How to connect to your personal power

There are some basic keys you need to connect to and utilize your personal willpower:

Time
Specificity
Action

These keys will help you meet the challenges in your life, as long as the challenge is appropriate to you. How do you know if the challenge is appropriate to you? By using the fourth secret key.

The fourth key consists of listening to your body, listening to your true self and not your inner critical mind: those mean old voices that try to tell you that things are not working and you’re not good at it.

When setting yourself a task or challenge your body will provide clues to your potential success or failure. Think of something you want to accomplish, or something you’re tried to do but have failed. Tell yourself this task and see how you react to it. How does your body respond? For instance, if you’ve been trying to change your diet and you said, “I’m never going to drink again,” how does your body respond? Your body will tell you Yes, this is a challenge we can meet. Or No, this is not going to work.You might really want it to but let’s be honest, that’s not going to happen. This is a very honest exercise. Your critical mind might try to say you should be able to meet this challenge but your body is much more honest about what’s possible in a healthy way. If your body has a kind of clenching or rolling, tightening or heaviness that’s your body saying No, that challenge is too broad. It’s not going to work. So don’t be surprised when you do drink again. That was a big, vague challenge to give yourself. No wonder you couldn’t meet it.

If your body is reacting in that way, if that’s what you’re feeling, then you’ll know that your challenge is not specific enough. You’ll want to make it more and more specific until your body says yes, this is a challenge we can meet. Perhaps there’s some trepidation but overall there’s still a resounding yes. There’s some ease in your body in response to the task or challenge. So take that example of drinking less alcohol. Your body already rejected “I’ll never drink again.” Get more specific with the time and action. “Tonight when I go out instead of ordering a drink I’m going to order sparkling water with a lemon.” The time is specific: it’s tonight. And the action is specific in a double way: “I won’t order alcohol. I will order sparkling water.” You’re both turning away from what you don’t want and turning toward what you do want.  See what your body says to that. If there’s some ease in you, that’s your body saying yes, we can do this. This is still a challenge (there’s nothing to it if it’s not a challenge) because you’re used to drinking when you go out but this is a challenge you can meet. That’s your power. It’s specific to you, no one else. So if you go out and the people you’re with order drinks then in that moment you say, “Ah! Here is my challenge! It’s this exact moment. This is it! Will I rise to meet it?” And instead of ordering a drink you order sparkling water. Then you’ve met that challenge. And it’ll feel good. The key was your specificity: the challenge had a specific subject, a specific time and a specific action you took.

Now, say that after dinner your friends want to go to a bar. If you have a drink then there’s no need to berate yourself. This was not part of the challenge you set up. You already met your challenge at dinner and you can celebrate that. You can use this experience to set up your challenge differently next time. You might say, “When I go out tonight, each timethe opportunity arises for me to order a drink I’m going to order sparkling water with lemon.” (I like it with lemon, that’s why I keep using it in my examples.)

When you set yourself this challenge you’ll want to have a new moment to listen to your body. Your critical mind might come in and say, “Of course you can do that! You should be able to do that!” You want to listen to what’s underneath, to what your body has to say. If your body is saying, “Yes! This will be a challenge we can meet.” Or, “No, you’re setting yourself up to fail.” If your body says no then you’ll need to adjust your challenge. If it’s saying yes then when you go out you can meet this challenge. You’ve set yourself up to succeed.

There’s something you’re not doing: you’re not ordering alcohol. And there’s something you are doing: specifically ordering something else. That’s the way to access and build your willpower. By listening to your body to see what’s actually possible, what you’re capable of, you’ll continue to build personalsuccess, which in turn will increase your ability to meet greater personal challenges. Your mean old critical mind will probably continue to try to tell you what you shouldbe able to do, usually compared to other people, but you’re not other people, you’re you. Your body knows better.

Don’t forget to celebrate your success! Give yourself permission to celebrate and acknowledge what you’ve done before you set up a new challenge. Celebrate your power!